George Logsdon July 1997
It Takes Three to Make a Marriage
It takes three kinds of love to make a marriage work. First, it takes Agapao or Agape love, which is a Greek word that is translated as the Love of God in renewed mind in manifestation. (This is a definition I learned from a great Man of God, Dr. Victor Paul Wierwille. Many things about the Bible that I know, I�ve learned from him; one of the most important though was Agape love. Please refer to Bullinger�s Companion Bible appendix 135 for more insight on Bible kinds of Love.) The second kind of love that makes a marriage work is Phileo love, a Greek word translated as the love of best friends. Finally, the third type of love is Philadelphia, which is a Greek word that means the love of a brother or sister.
The following verses use the word love derived from the Greek word agapao (these are only some of the verses):
Mark 12:30-31
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. (31) And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
Mark 12:33
And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.
Luke 6:27
But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
Luke 6:32
For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 11:5
Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
John 13:34
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one other.
John 14:15
If ye love me, keep my commandments.
John 15:9
As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
Eph 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:28
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:33
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Eph 6:24
Grace be with all them that love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen.
Col 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
1 Peter 1:22
Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
1 Peter 2:17
Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.
1 John 5:1-2
Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and everyone that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. (2) By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments
Romans 5:5
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
So we are to love (agape) without pretension. We are to be forgiving, kind, unassuming. We look for the Christ in each other. That is to see each of us as God sees us. If we look at each other as God looks at us it is easy for us to love each other. God sees us as his finest work...
Eph 2:10
For we are his workmanship (or masterpiece), created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
We are God�s masterpiece! What�s not to love?
Perhaps the best teaching that I can think of about the love of God and examples of how it can be applied in marriage, in fellowship, and in family life is in 1 Cor 13. The word �charity� throughout 1 Corinthians is the Greek word agape, - The love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation.
1 Cor. 13:1-13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation) I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2. And though I have the gift of (the manifestation of) prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith (believing) so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation), I am nothing. 3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned (an utter spending of ones self), and have not charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation), it profiteth me nothing. 4. Charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation) suffereth long, and is kind; charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation) envieth not; charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation) vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8. Charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation) never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10. But when that which is perfect is come (talking about the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ), then that which is in part (the gift of Holy Spirit) shall be done away. 11. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13. And now abideth faith, hope, charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation), these three; but the greatest of these is charity (Agape: the love of God in renewed mind in manifestation).
The second kind of love is Phileo love, defined by the Strong�s Concordance to the Bible as: to be a friend to (fond of [an individual or an object]), i.e. have affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling; while agapao is wider, embracing especially the judgment and the deliberate assent of the will as a matter of principle, duty and propriety: the two thus stand related very much.
Phileo is the kind of love that keeps the marriage sweet. It is to be best friends. This is how we have to be with our spouse... best friends. The following are instances where love means this more friendly type of love:
John 11:3
Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
John 11:32-36
33. Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. 33. When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, 34. And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. 35. Jesus wept. 36. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!
John 15:19
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
John 16:27
For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.
John 20:2
Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulcher, and we know not where they have laid him.
This sweet, best friend, phileo love is what makes the relationship between a man and wife special.
The third kind of love solidifies our commitment. The Greek word Philadelphia is defined in the Strong�s Concordance as:
fraternal affection: - brotherly love (kindness), love of the brethren.
A few uses of this word are as follows:
Romans 12:10
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
1 Thes 4:9
But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
Hebrews 13:1
Let brotherly love continue.
1 Peter 1:22
Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned (sincere, real) love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
2Peter 1:7
And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, charity (Agape: the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation).
It is important to love a spouse with philadelphia love; the love of a brother or a sister. One might get angry with a sister, but she never stops being a sister does she? One might think a brother is peculiar at times, but he is always a brother. Even when times are rocky, our brother or sister is our brother or sister... we don�t stop loving them. This is the same type of bond that should be present in a marriage. This type of bond allows a couple to love each other even when things get rocky.
While philadelphia love sees a marriage through rocky times, and phileo love makes a marriage special, Agapao love will remind each party in the marriage of how God sees the other. Therefore, when a man and wife apply all three of these kinds of love in a marriage, the marriage will be godly, it will be sweet and it will be strong enough to weather the storms of life.